Jesus gave His heart to me today.
I was sitting in the comfy purple chair in the back, my usual spot. My love freely flowed as I stood to give and get one hug after another. I listened to Father as He told me that I needed to go hug on some people. “I needed that.” he said. “I know.” I replied. Walking back after offering, I am stopped. “May I please hug you?” Of course, I respond with a resounding yes please. We stood there in an embrace for awhile. Then she introduced herself but I knew who she was. Her spirit touched me many times before today. We smiled and I went back to my purple chair.
During worship I start feeling faint. My body is slightly shaking and out of no where, I begin having the most intense pain in my chest. It was so painful that I had to gasp for air. I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs as the more I tried, the more my chest hurt. My heart hurt so bad. I wasn’t scared for myself. This was not my pain and I knew it. I leaned over to my sister-friend, Emily, and told her what I was experiencing and right at that moment, Mark started talking about intercession and what was going on among us and said some of might be experiencing something personal on behalf of the Lord. I was.
I sang loud and it seemed the louder I cried out, my chest hurt more. I sat down, closed my eyes and asked for guidance. This is not my pain, Father! Who needs me? Lead me to them so I can pray over them. I opened my eyes and waited. Nothing. Papa, please show me. Please let me see with your eyes.
Instead, He gave me His heart.
I spoke with my spiritual mother, Effielow. She suggested that I go share with Mark what I was experiencing. So Mark assured me that I was feeling the pain and cries of Father, the pain He feels for the lost and brokenhearted. He so desires His Sons and Daughters to know Him. He wants His children to rise up out of their ashes and brokenness. And I felt it all. Papa shared His heart with me today. I experienced this very thing, at this level of intensity, on the Saturday night of Koinonia too.
Amazed by Him.
I have always been told that I was too sensitive. I hated when people would say that. I was encouraged to toughen up but I never knew how. I couldn’t harden my heart. I didn’t know how. I couldn’t not feel something so deeply. I often times felt sad or pains in my body for reasons I couldn’t explain to anyone. I thought it was some underlying, unresolved issues with me. It wasn’t until this past year, specifically Koinonia 2014, that I knew why I was made to be so sensitive.
I can literally feel the pain and the cries of the brokenhearted.
I feel and take on the hurt of others. And I am just now beginning to understand and know when it is not my own pain. And this morning, sitting in my purple chair in the back, I felt not only the cries of the brokenhearted, I felt Papa’s pain and He let me experience this immense love He has for His children.
Sometimes love hurts.
So with every groan, every heart beat, every hug and every I love you that is said, I am partnering with Father in the harvest of a nation He intended it to be all along. And it is built on LOVE. It is planted with LOVE. It is watered with LOVE. It is harvested in LOVE. I will continue being a vessel of intercession. I will continue to walk in faith and rise into who I was created to be, a warrior for God in the earth, bringing forth the love He so desires to be among His children. We are breaking ground and with every rumble of the earth, we grow in love.
See with Father’s eyes.
Feel with Father’s heart.
Listen to the brokenhearted.
Bring forth His love in the earth!
We must let our sound reach every nation!
Resonate His love!
Let your love out!