Emily and I took a drive to her college campus yesterday to take care of some IT issues. I waited in the car for her but not for long. I just had to get out and breathe in the mountain air and to take some photos. The campus is rich in opportunity for the photographer inside me to capture His many gifts. It was so peaceful and I was thankful for the chance to be alone in this quiet place; spending time with Papa.
I felt an indescribable peace and joy in my spirit as I heard, “Look up! Look up!”
This was my view. Do you see the heart-shaped clouds near the sun? His love poured out to me in the sky! Intense gratitude washed over me and I knew, once again, it was well with my soul.
Life, in the flesh, was getting messy and painfully exhausting. But yesterday, He took me to a place where I could detox. Breathe in hope. Breathe out love. I stood on that campus completely enveloped by divinity. A recharge took place, although, throughout the entire journey getting dirty in the mess, I never lost who i was in Him. I never forgot what He was doing in me, my purpose, my identity. I just had to go through some growing pains for me to get focused and for Him to guide me, to remind me just how deeply rooted I am in faith, in Him.
I hadn’t quite realized that I was wearing a veil again. Old habits die hard. But I didn’t feel shame this time. I simply removed it the moment He showed me what I had done. I don’t have to hide my scars. They are reminders of my strength and courage and survival. All my scars are healed or in the process of healing. I do not have to cover them any longer. They are a part of me. My friend posted a similar sentiment the other day – “Don’t be ashamed of your scars. They simply mean you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” I believe that. They may be sad and honest reminders of what I have been through but more importantly, how far I have come.
Sometimes, I just need to disconnect from everything/one to listen for love to speak to me. I often get overwhelmed and tend to stay in the chaos instead of listening for Him. And when I do, I always hear, “You know it doesn’t have to be this way.” I also know that when I become reclusive, it can lead to other feelings of inferiority, rejection, abandonment and self-sabotage in many areas.
So I stood among the trees yesterday and felt my spirit renew again. It will not be the last time it has to be renewed. Life does get messy but as we walk with Jesus, we experience healing and restoration. Our walk will not always look pretty but we cannot allow ourselves to fall into the proverbial box labeled “victim.” No, we are so much more than that. We were created to absorb His love and share it. We were created to seek, connect and heal. I am not a victim of life’s hard knocks.
I am a warrior for life’s blessings.
I am a warrior for Christ.
Look up, friends! Look up!