Every road traveled in life is not going to be a joy ride. There will be bumps and sharp curves along the way; no matter how much we protest. I found myself in a spot last week. It was a spot of stuck-ness. I was in a rut so deep and my tires were burning as they spun around continuously, fighting for release.
That place, where I feel the walls of my chest vibrate as my heart violently beats against it and I feel strangled by the road map of veins in my body, hurts. It hurts. Sitting on the couch, clutching my chest as the tears soak the blanket I cocooned myself in, I nearly feel the urge to give up, to give in to the weighty-ness of my problems. I can barely see through the fog that has layered itself across my brain. I cannot make sense of these burdens.
In the midst of that period of “everything is going bad,” I was reminded that I am not to lean unto my own understanding. I didn’t have to make sense of the burdens. I didn’t have to ponder, “why me.” I just had to trust that while I was carrying a heavy load, God was busy paving some incredible roads for me to travel down. He has always planned for my wellness. He has always meant for me to be free. He has always created paths that will be true joy rides. He longs for me. He longs for my unbridled trust. And He loved me through the times when I didn’t feel strong enough for any of that. On the surface, I just didn’t care while deep down, I always care. I believe that is why it hurts so much when enduring any trials. I care so incredibly much.
At the end of last week, I had a coffee date with my dear friend, Courtney R. I wish I could put into words all of the amazing things that God was stirring while in her presence. He showed up, like He always does, but in this beautiful woman that I have the honor of calling my friend. I sat in awe of her because I literally saw Him in her. Moments of hope came bursting from her eyes. Promises of transformable newness were being spoken from her mouth. Her eyes were pooled in His love. I nearly leapt from my chair because His presence was so palpable. He was around us, stitching our hearts together with this careful precision. His intentions are always good. He creates newness in me.
Sidenote: Courtney, if you are reading this, I honor you. I honor you for the magnitude of truth you bring to the table. I honor you for accepting raw, real and relevant to take place between us. I honor you for the heart inside of you that is more beautiful than you may ever realize. I honor you for stepping up, on many levels, to just do what needs done (both professionally and personally). I honor you as a daughter of God and a treasure of a friend. Thank you for allowing our coffee date to be the place and time that I finally exhaled after a very trying week. You provided a safe harbor as your light guided me out of stormy seas. I love you.
The power of Father was working on me during church service on Sunday as well. Worship and words spoken allowed me so crash through the walls I had started rebuilding last week. I was no longer captive to the lies. I was no longer tied to the history of me. I went through yet another transformation. I was made for such a time as this. I needed reminded that I couldn’t keep living in the past and listening to whispers of despair that used to threaten to take my life. Living in the past creates fear. It does not allow for growth or honor. Treading on an emptiness that is not meant for me is dangerous. He gently guided me back to the beautiful paths that He so generously laid for me. As His arm lay around my shoulders, He whispered it is well with your soul. It is well. Lay down the burdens, again. Walk in the truth that is in you. Be brave. Do not be powerless as you walk in faith. Arise to the queen you were created to be.
He is righteous. He is love.
I have spoken and written this before but it bears repeating. He is my one true love. He is my lifeline in places of uncertainty and doubt. He pulls me from the wreckage. He is there for me. He is my rock and my salvation. I give Him the highest praise. Always.
We don’t have to live tied to our burdens. We can lay them down and step into WHO we are as Sons and Daughters. When we do that, we give hope. We breathe life into the world. With each step we take, our path is illuminated by His love through us. We leave a mark of bravery, joy, strength and most importantly love. We lay the stepping stones for those placed in our journey. We can choose the foundation on which we want to build our garden of grace. And we must be good to ourselves in the process. He will not forsake us. He wants us to remember that He gives us strength to endure all things. We must let go of our old beliefs and step into the newness of who we really are, in Him.