Years ago, I had my own photography business. It wasn’t the biggest and I wasn’t the best. But it filled me. It fueled me. It excited me. Then my internal files got corrupted. No, not on my computer, but my head. I had one very embarrassing moment during a senior photo shoot, which just put my hardship in bold flashing neon red lights. From that moment on, I believed that I could no longer do what I loved. I wasn’t physically able to do it so why keep up with the business? So I stopped. I put my professional camera away, eventually selling it, and bought a small point and shoot.
Friends and family would ask me to photograph events for them throughout the years and I always turned it down because I didn’t trust myself enough anymore. After all, I was never the most skilled photographer, I just tried to follow my heart and capture the beautiful souls on the other side of the lens. I was a little awkward too, I believe, but man, I loved being a photographer.
I lost my touch. The phone camera became the easiest device to capture life. There has always been an internal pull that understood my deep yearning to just get out there and do it but I let self-doubt cover me. I didn’t pick up a “big girl” camera to practice, to develop my craft, to do what I absolutely loved to do.
Find a way to say ‘Yes’ to things, even if it’s outside of your comfort zone. ‘Yes’ lets you stand out in a crowd. ‘Yes’ is a very tiny word that allows you to do very big things. Say ‘Yes’ often. – Eric Schmidt
Last week, I was commissioned to do a photo shoot. Something strange happened when asked.. I didn’t hesitate. I said YES right away. The excitement consumed me and I couldn’t wait to do it. Very little doubt surfaced but it was also due to the fact that the person for whom I was doing the shoot was very understanding, very positive, very encouraging and just let me do whatever and at a very easy pace. No pressures at all. It was a perfect way to get my feet wet again. My cousin was the most gracious hostess and her patience and kindness towards me will always be remembered.
While at the shoot, my disabilities and capabilities were very obvious. It wasn’t easy and at times, it was quite the struggle. I even ended up with a very serious knee injury. But one thing that felt familiar was the excitement and the joy that photography gave me. Stepping into my passion and saying YES was such a rush!
Note to self: YOU INSPIRE ME!
As I edit the photos tonight, I see where I need improvement. I see where I could have positioned the baby differently. I see lighting issues. I see so much that a skilled and crafted photographer would have gotten right on the first shot. But I can’t compare myself any longer. I am rusty. I am not and will never be the best. I don’t need to be on the level of the highest paid and most popular photographers in town. I have no desire to open a business again. This is something I love doing. I love freezing a moment in time to hold that memory forever. There is something very special and moving in that for me. It is truly faith based.
I feel very honored that I was asked to do this photo shoot. It has breathed my passion to life again. I know I have to physically heal in many ways in order to say YES more. But it will come. I don’t do much on my time anymore. His timing is so much better than mine.
Madison Alyse (in vintage girly flair)
Hope to share more soon!