faith, inspiration, life, music

songbird

There is something inside of me that has been crying to get out but I keep holding it hostage. Just when I think I will surrender my control, I seemingly find a way to sabotage any progress made towards complete freedom.

I don’t have to work for freedom. It is already mine to experience. But when I have a death grip on lies, I will never truly get to experience what my heart desires nor fulfill a purpose instilled in me by my Father.

I can feel the exuberant life bubbling on the inside. I can taste the exhilarating cry of freedom. I can smell the perfume of perfect grace that lingers within and around me. I can hear the whispers of hope as I dance towards my life long dream of being free, breaking every chain along the way.

My senses are heightened and my spirit is performing a recital of exquisite beauty. I know this dance well. I have perfected every movement along the way. I have the potential to soar and claim a trophy in the winner’s circle. Yet I stop short every time.

My mind distinctly knows how to win. My heart is in it most of the time.

Yet, still I fall.

I realize I am constantly striving for something that is already mine. I had an epiphany in April when I wore the crown that has always been mine. I saw it. I felt it’s weight upon my head, literally. Striving to be what looks and sounds perfectly wanted and needed by others. And when the results are obliterated by false hopes, I realize I am chasing after people and things that ultimately will not fulfill me from the inside out. My eyes and heart have got to align with Him. He is my fulfillment. I do not need to chase even Him. He is not running away from me, He is beside me. He is within me. (an awareness not new to me. spoken here before.)

The chase is over. 

But loneliness is real. Do you not see me? You say arms and hearts are wide open but I feel the sting of being passed over, tossed aside, forgotten. Please see me. I see you. I want to know you. This is the conversation inside of me. This is my battle cry.

See me. Choose me. Love me.

Time after time of brow wiping, tear shedding and painful, oh so painful, heart aches has led me to Him. I long for nothing but to love and be loved.

Will I ever know true freedom? Will I ever surrender completely? Will I ever know what it feels like to be out from underneath this enormous life paralyzing and crushing weight that has hindered my freedom flight?

I trust that I will, some day. I pray that it will be mine. Once it happens, I know I will dare to let go of the firm grasp I have on the labels of failure. I can see my life as I dreamed it could be a thousand times. I hope I live it in this lifetime. I hope I can find the strength to make it happen.

I incessantly lean into Him.

For I am His. With Him, I know I have won. He has already crowned me the winner, the favorite one. He patiently awaits my victory march. He trains me up, as long as it takes. And it sure is taking longer than we both planned -recycling, rehashing, reliving, relearning the process, over and over again. And that is ok. No matter who says it’ not. I am not living for the approval of others, so I tell myself often.

He extends me His perfect grace.

He sees me. He knows me. And He loves me through and through.

I long to be whole. Mind, body, spirit in complete harmony.

I am a songbird.

Please hear my joyful sound.

It’s been waiting…

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Lyrics to one of my most favorite songs…ever… 

SONGBIRD by Eva Cassidy

For you, there’ll be no crying
For you, the sun will be shining
‘Cause I feel that when I’m with you
It’s alright
I know it’s alright
And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before
To you, I would give the world
To you, I’d never be cold
‘Cause I feel that when I’m with you
It’s alright
I know it’s right
And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before
Like never before
Like never before
*********

 

:::If this sounds completely discombobulated, well it probably is. I just typed from the heart and this is what came out. I apologize if it is all over the place and you struggled to follow. I am not editing it to be a perfect read. Just please be open to the obvious message/s within.:::

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